Midweek Morsels
By Phil Vega

Quote of the day: “It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” — Dave Barry, author, comedian.

All-around sharp cookie Eva Dickerson is out spreading the word about the upcoming Key West Night fund-raiser that will benefit the Sierra Vista Regional Health Center.

The event is set for 5 to 11 p.m. on May 10 at the Windemere Hotel and Conference Center.

The cost of a ticket includes an Italian buffet dinner and entertainment by Mark Mulligan. Silent auctions will have lots of “cool stuff” to bid on, according to Eva. There will be a contest for “Best Caribbean-themed” outfit (for men and women), and there will be Hula hoop, paddle ball, ring toss games and raffles.

Tickets are just $35, and you can call the foundation office at 417-4990 or stop by the Wellness Depot at the Mall at Sierra Vista. Cash, checks or charge cards accepted.

So put on your flowery shirts, shorts and sandals and enjoy a slice of Key West right here in Sierra Vista!

Here’s a short one from Joe Anton:

April is the time of year when the green returns to the trees, the lawns and the Internal Revenue Service.

Last week I wrote about the Sierra Vista Public Library and all the services it provides. Included was the plan to open a café in the library to serve snacks and beverages to library users.

Well, the grand opening of the café will take place a week from today — April 10.

The formal name is Café Sierra, so swing by the library at 2600 E. Tacoma St. and check it out.

The Supreme Court’s recent review of a gun control case has prompted several to talk about the Second Amendment.

Gene Kambouris e-mailed this opinion:

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

As John Steinbeck once said:

1. Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him, “Why do you carry a .45?” The Ranger responded, “Because they don’t make a .46.”

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a woman commented on his wearing his sidearm. “Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?”

“No Ma’am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.”

8. Beware the man who only has one gun. He probably knows how to use it!

But wait, there’s more!

I was once asked by a woman visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said, “Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!” To which I said, “Of course it is loaded, can’t work without bullets!”

She then asked, “Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?”

My reply was, “No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.” To which I’ll add, having a gun in the house that isn’t loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.

Some sage advice from the notorious Mr. Anonymous: “You know the ’60s are over when someone flashes the “Peace” sign, but now it means, “Two Coronas with limes, please.”

Department of useless, yet interesting, information … What rocket’s red glare was Francis Scott Key writing about when he penned the poem that eventually became the national anthem? Sir William Congreve developed a rocket that could fire to about 9,000 feet. The British fired Congreve rockets against the U.S. during the War of 1812. Key coined the phrase the “rocket’s red glare” after the British fired Congreve rockets against Fort McHenry. Congreve’s incendiary rocket used black powder, an iron case, and a 16-foot guide stick. Congreve had used a 16-foot guide stick to help stabilize his rocket. William Hale, another British inventor, invented the stickless rocket in 1846. The U.S. army used the Hale rocket more than 100 years ago in the war with Mexico. Rockets were also used to a limited extent in the Civil War.

PHIL VEGA is publisher of the Sierra Vista Herald/Bisbee Daily Review. Contact him via e-mail at philip.vega@svherald.com. His column appears on Wednesday in the Herald/Review.