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HUACHUCA CITY — Nelson Alexander was 46 and only expected to live for another week.
He didn’t have many wishes before he died, but he knew he wanted to be buried as close as possible to his brother at Cochise Memorial Gardens.
And his wife, Kay, knew she would do all she could to make that happen. But she didn’t have the money to pay for it.
Throughout the last week he was told he would live — and the four days more he survived — family and friends at his home in Huachuca City provided him with as much comfort as they could.
 An unresponsive Nelson Alexander is comforted by his wife, Kay, while daughter-in-law Jessica Martin looks on Wednesday in his Huachuca City home. The 46-year-old Alexander died Thursday afternoon. (Mark Levy-Herald/Review) |
Diabetes and high blood pressure wrecked his body for years until Nelson became terminally ill three and half years ago. He also needed heart and kidney transplants, but was ineligible because of his other health problems. He battled vascular disease, neuropathy, was going blind and had dialysis treatments three times a week. He couldn’t work, and Kay also stopped working to take care of him.
The Alexanders and three of their five children barely covered all their expenses month-to-month with the $1,200 they received from his disability.
But when Nelson recently developed a staph infection and needed a foot amputated, he chose to stop his medical care on July 1.
“It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to support,” Kay said Monday. “But it’s about his wishes. No more suffering.”
As Kay Alexander began to look into the costs of burying her husband, the arrangments totaled $7,500 in cemetery and funeral costs.
“We’ve had three and a half years to talk about his wishes, but we forgot to talk about the financial part of it,” she said.
It’s not uncommon problem, said Ron Maynez, funeral director at Hatfield Funeral Home, 830 S. Highway 92.
“Illness can drain an estate,” he said.
It’s important for families to look at funeral costs realistically, he said.
“Everybody wants the Cadillac but wants to pay Honda prices,” Maynez said.
Some families may have funeral benefits through life insurance, their church or the military. Kay said she would probably receive about $250 from Social Security to help cover the costs.
Cochise County provides indigent cremation or burial at Calvary Cemetary in Douglas for some low-income families, Maynez said. That wasn’t an option for the Alexanders, because they wanted to provide Nelson’s wish of being buried at Cochise Memorial Gardens.
By state law, each county must provide indigent burial services for families who qualify, said Rudy Thomas, director for the state Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers.
Information about Cochise County’s program was sought by the Herald/Review from Karla Jensen, the county’s public information officer.
Consumers should also be aware that funeral homes are required to present a general price list before discussing funeral arrangements. Casket and outer burial container price lists must also be presented to customers.
Although the state can’t regulate prices, funeral homes can’t change the prices shown to consumers, Thomas said.
Most funeral homes require funeral expenses to be paid in full before the funeral, but families can pre-pay and pre-plan funerals through funeral trusts and insurance-funded funeral plans.
In some cases, pre-paying can also lock in today’s price, he said.
The average funeral cost is $5,000, though cremations start at about $1,200, he said.
“More and more families are looking to cremation,” he said. Last year about 60 percent of Arizonans chose cremation over conventional burial or deportation, according to the state Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers.
Paul Parker, director of the Bisbee and San Pedro Funeral Homes, said he advises families to be practical in their choices after a funeral.
“If you don’t prepare, it’s a difficult state to be in,” Parker said. “I’d like to help people, but I’m running a business, too.”
Kay said it’s a difficult situation for families to be in, as well.
“Funeral homes kind of have you over a barrel. You can’t do it on your own,” she said.
It’s a common misconception that families must make arrangments with a funeral home, said Josh Slocum, executive director of the Funeral Consumer Alliance, a nonprofit educational and advocate organization for funeral consumers.
“Most people spend too much on funerals,” Slocum said.
Janet Jacobs, a volunteer for the Southern Arizona Funeral Consumer Alliance, said she payed too much for her husband’s funeral.
“I could have put my kids through college with the money I spent on the funeral in 1973,” she said.
Holding a memorial at home and preparing the death certificate themselves are some ways people can reduce funeral costs in a way that is meaningful and personal, Slocum said.
In most cases, embalming is not required in Arizona if the body remains refrigerated or is buried within 24 hours, unless the body will be viewed 24 hours after death, Thomas said.
That’s about $500 you would save,” Jacobs said.
A casket isn’t required either, though a “minimum container,” similar to cardboard is required, Thomas said.
But if a casket is desired, it doesn’t have to be purchased at a funeral home, Jacobs said.
“If you make your own casket out of plywood, they have to accept it,” Jacobs said.
Customers should be aware that they may face unexpected costs as well when planning a funeral, Thomas said. For example, most cemeteries require an outer vault for the casket, usually to prevent the ground from collapsing on a gravesite.
The Southern Arizona chapter also provides its members with discounted burial and cremation services from $520 to $1,020 at a Tucson funeral home, Jacobs said.
People should know they have options for an affordable funeral, she said.
“And you don’t have to take out a second mortgage,” Jacobs said.
For now, Kay Alexander said she will ask for donations from the community to help cover the funeral costs.
“We’re not trying to be fancy,” she said. “We’re just trying to give him his basic wishes.”
She began making funeral arrangments with Hatfield Funeral Home after Nelson died Thursday. A viewing and funeral will follow later this week, she said.
She hopes that people in the community remember him from his 15 years of work at the Army and Airforce Exchange Service for his years as a little league baseball, softball and basketball coach in Sierra Vista, Fort Huachua and Huachuca City.
“This is not a ‘poor me’ story,” Kay said. “We’ve not planned properly. We don’t have the money to bury him, but he was a good man and coached for many years, and I’m hoping people remember that.”
He was a hard worker who loved his family, she said.
“Even if he had to work two or three jobs, he always provided for us.”
Kay said she hopes that other families can learn from hers.
“Not many 40-year-olds think, ‘I might die in the next 10 years,’ but they need to think about it,” she said.
A benefit account has been created by the Alexander family under Nelson Alexander’s name at Wells Fargo for donations for his funeral.
herald/review reporter Laura Ory can be reached at 515-4683 or by e-mail at svhnews@transedge.com.
PJP wrote on Jul 24, 2007 5:46 PM: